Parenting from a place of hurt

Parenting from a place of hurt

Some tweets were flying around last weekend of parents who out of ignorance, ego or outright wickedness prevented their kids from pursuing a dream that could have turned their lives around for good. And that got me thinking.

I realised that I also had instances where I was told, “No” and prevented from pursuing ideas that may have changed the trajectory of my life. I assume a lot more people can relate to that.

But the past is the past. I do not regret my life. I love my journey and I am thankful for where I am right now.

My concern is for the little ones. We are the parents now. And we should note a few things;

We should not parent from the place of hurt. We should avoid saying things like these: “I was beaten, so I will beat my children.” “My kids already have started to behave like me when I was a kid, so I need to tighten the rein on them.”

Do not parent from the place of hurt.

Heal from your past, however you choose to do that.

Train the child that is in front of you, not the child that you think you should have had. See that child, their uniqueness and help them become their best selves.

Update your knowledge on parenting always. Times are changing. It’s a whole new era. A lot of what worked for your parent when they raised you may not work now. Update your knowledge.

Encourage creativity in your kids. Let them explore at different stages of their growth. And guide them to do that.

Keep the line of communication open. Do not become a demon that your children avoid or run from.

If you are doing parenting right, you might be on the receiving end of some of the skills you teach them. For instance, your independent child may ask you questions that make you think again. Don’t see it as if they are questioning your authority. Instead, be proud of them.

Your ego sometimes will be bruised by your kids. Find an amenable way to resolve that. In the way that does not invalidate your years of training for them.

Teach them to respect everyone. And you respect them as well.

Want the best for them. But be open to hearing their own interpretation of what’s best for themselves.

Parenting is tough. It is an extreme sport. And no two kids are the same. You will often have doubts on whether you are doing it the right way or not. That’s a good thing. Don’t do parenting out of fear.

As long as you continue to do the best you can and are open to learning, you will be fine.