Arguing in front of kids

Arguing in front of kids

Let’s be honest, there is no perfect home. Scratch that, there is no perfect individual. So long as no one is perfect, when two people live/exist together in one space for a long period of time, there will be offence. Disagreement will occur and sometimes, it leads to arguing.

An argument in itself is not a problem. It is just a way of expressing a difference of opinion between two or more people. A lot of times, it is not planned. So, the tendency for couples to argue in front of their kids is not far-fetched. It will happen.

However, the way you argue/disagree with one another is very important. How you do it contributes to the mental health and emotional intelligence of your kids now and in the future.

– Having a disagreement once in a while in front of your kids is not terrible. It is life. But do not make a habit of it, please.

– When you do disagree with one another, please watch your tone/the tempo of your voice.

– Mind the words/language you use with one another.

– You do not need to speak over one another. Respect each other to finish talking before the next person begins.

– Do not walk out in the middle of a disagreement. Respect one another enough to listen.

– Do not brush off/belittle your partner’s pain no matter how little it is.

– Be intelligent enough to see reasons in what each of you are pissed about. And acknowledge your place in causing the offence.

Apologise and ask for forgiveness.

– Forgive one another and hug it out.

– If it is something that you think requires more talking through, reach that agreement together respectfully.

What a lot of couples do at times is to begin an argument in front of the kids without resolving it in front of them. That’s not a good lesson for the kids. Show them that it’s okay to have respectful expressions of differing opinions with each other. Also show them how to resolve the conflict. Acknowledge when you are both hurt and apologise to each other. Let your kids see healthy alternatives of conflict resolution. God knows, your kids will see their fair share of hitting in school from other classmates/schoolmates and even teachers. Show them that Daddy and Mummy do not hit one another. Instead, they disagree, express it, they apologise to one another and they are better together.

If your disagreement becomes an everyday heated affair that becomes toxic for your kids, please see a couples therapist. Do not expose your kids to that everyday. Do not throw punches or hit one another in front of your kids, I beg you.

All we aim to do is to protect our kids from trauma/damage for all their lives. This is one way to protect them. Show them healthy conflict resolution when an argument occurs between you and anyone.